Tourist quest

The Tourist quest sees you fighting the Master of Thieves for The Platinum Yendorian Express Card. For more information on the quest branch in general, see the quest article.

Levels
Random monsters on this Quest are generated with the following frequencies:
 * 96/175	(55%)	giant spider
 * 24/175	(14%)	random s
 * 24/175	(14%)	forest centaur
 * 6/175	(3%)	random C
 * 1/7	(14%)	normal random monster

Ankh-Morpork
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The two-way magic portal back to the Dungeons of Doom is at the marked point. Twoflower occupies the throne, where there is also a chest; there are eleven guides distributed among the five rooms within the town walls. Outside the gate are two watchmen; in the river are two piranhas, two krakens, and a giant eel; in addition to the usual undead in the marked graveyard, there are twelve giant spiders, eight forest centaurs, two random s and one random C on the level, and nine random traps. The entire level is no-teleport and has undiggable walls and floor.

Upper filler level
This is a cavern level, with five soldiers, a random C, and a random H; seven random objects; and four random traps.

The Thieves' Guild Hall
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In addition to the usual occupants of the three barracks, the two general stores, the zoo, and the graveyard, there are sixteen giant spiders and two random s on the level; the marked temple is abandoned (without even an altar remaining). There are nine random traps, and fourteen random objects; in addition, there are two blank scrolls next to the throne (toilet paper...). The entire level has undiggable walls and floor. Teleportation is permitted.

Lower filler level(s)
These are cavern levels, with two captains, one soldier, two random H, one random s, and one random C; eleven random objects; and four random traps.

The Shades
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The Master of Thieves, with the Bell of Opening and the Platinum Yendorian Express Card, occupies the point marked 'x'. The marked locations have their usual occupants (three barracks, two general stores, one graveyard); in addition, the four rooms to lower left have one incubus each, the two rooms at centre left have one succubus each, and the police station in the centre of the left half contains a Kop Kaptain, three Kop Lieutenants, and five Keystone Kops, with each of the three attached cells containing one prisoner. There is also a watchman just inside the left secret door at the halfway division, and randomly placed on the level are sixteen giant spiders and two random s; fourteen random objects; and six random traps. The entire Shades has undiggable walls; teleportation is permitted.

Entry
First time: You breathe a sigh of relief as you find yourself back in the familiar surroundings of Ankh-Morpork. You quickly notice that things do not appear the way they did when you left. The town is dark and quiet. There are no sounds coming from behind the town walls, and no campfires burning in the fields. As a matter of fact, you do not  any movement in the fields at all, and the crops look as though they have been untended for many weeks.

Next time: Once again, you are back at Ankh-Morpork.

If already rejected twice due to bad alignment: You are back at Ankh-Morpork. Things appear to have become so bad that you fear that soon Ankh-Morpork will not be here to return to.

Quest guardians
If #chatting before the quest is complete: "Gehennom on 5 zorkmids a day -- more like 500 a day if you ask me." "Do you know where I could find some nice postcards of The Gnomish Mines?" "Have you tried the weird toilets?" "Don't stay at the Inn, I hear the food is terrible and it has rats." "They told me that this was the off season!"

If #chatting after the quest is complete: "Gehennom on 5 zorkmids a day -- more like 500 a day if you ask me." "Do you know where I could find some nice postcards of The Gnomish Mines?" "Have you tried the weird toilets?" "If you stick around, I'll show you the pictures from my latest trip." "Did you bring me back any souvenirs?"

Quest leader
When you first meet your quest leader: "Is it really you, ! I had given up hope for your return. As you can , we are desperately in need of your talents.  Someone must defeat the Master of Thieves if our town is become what it once was. "Let me see if you are ready to be that someone."

When you return, having been rejected due to lack of experience: "Things are getting worse, . I hope that this time you are ready."

This message is not currently used: "I hope that for the sake of Ankh-Morpork you have prepared yourself this time."

When you are expelled from the quest for having failed the alignment test seven times: "It is too late, . You are not even worthy to die amongst us. Leave Ankh-Morpork and never return."

When being rejected due to lack of experience: "There is still too much that you have to learn before you can undertake the next step. Return to us as a proven Traveler, and perhaps then you will be ready. "Go back now, and may the teachings of The Lady serve you well."

When being rejected due to having worse than pious alignment: "It would be an affront to The Lady to have one not true to the neutral path undertake her bidding. "You must not return to us until you have purified yourself of these bad influences on your actions. Remember, only by following the neutral path can you hope to overcome the obstacles you will face."

When finally assigned the quest: "You have indeed proven yourself a worthy Tourist, . "But now your kinfolk and I must ask you to put aside your travels and help us in our time of need. After you left us we elected a new mayor, the Master of Thieves. He proved to be a most heinous and vile creature. "Soon after taking office he absconded with the Platinum Yendorian Express Card and fled town, leaving behind his henchmen to rule over us. In order for us to regain control of our town, you must enter the Thieves' Guild Hall and recover the Platinum Yendorian Express Card. "Do not be distracted on your quest. If you do not return quickly I fear that all will be lost. Let us both pray now that The Lady will guide you and keep you safe."

Encouragement
If you subsequently chat to your quest leader, you are encouraged:

"Do not be fooled by the false promises of the Master of Thieves." "To enter the Thieves' Guild Hall you must pass many traps." "If you do not return with the Platinum Yendorian Express Card, your quest will be in vain." "Do not be afraid to call upon The Lady if you truly need help." "If you do not destroy the Master of Thieves, he will follow you back here!" "Take the Platinum Yendorian Express Card from the Master of Thieves and you may be able to defeat him." "You must hurry, !" "You are like a  to me, . Do not let me down." "If you are neutral at all times you may succeed, ." "Let all who meet you on your journey know that you are on an quest for Twoflower and grant safe passage."

Locate and goal levels
When first entering the locate level: Only your faith in The Lady keeps you from trembling. You  the handiwork of the Master of Thieves' henchlings everywhere.

When returning: You know that this time you must find and destroy the Master of Thieves.

When first entering the goal level: You sense the presence of the Platinum Yendorian Express Card.

When returning: You gain confidence, knowing that you may soon be united with the Platinum Yendorian Express Card.

Quest nemesis
When first encountering the quest nemesis: "So,, Twoflower thinks that you can wrest the Platinum Yendorian Express Card from me! "It only proves how desperate he has become that he sends a to try and defeat me. When this day is over, I will have you enslaved in the mines where you will rue the day that you ever entered the Thieves' Guild Hall."

Upon further meetings: "I let you live the last time because it gave me pleasure. This time I will destroy you, ."

And on the 4th and subsequent meetings: "These meetings come to bore me. You disturb my workings with the Platinum Yendorian Express Card. "If you do not run away now, I will inflict so much suffering on you that Twoflower will feel guilty for ever having sent his  to me!"

When you have the Platinum Yendorian Express Card, but the Master of Thieves is still alive: "You fool. You do not know how to call upon the powers of the Platinum Yendorian Express Card. "Return it to me and I will teach you how to use it, and together we will rule Ankh-Morpork. But do so now, as my patience grows thin."

Discouragement
The Master of Thieves will occasionally utter maledictions: "I defeated Twoflower and I will defeat you, ." "Where is The Lady now! You must realize no one can help you here." "Beg for mercy now and I may be lenient on you." "If you were not so neutral, you might have stood a chance." "Vengeance is mine at last, ." "I only wish that Twoflower had a more worthy to send against me." "With the Platinum Yendorian Express Card in my possession you cannot hope to defeat me." "The Master of Thieves has never been defeated, NEVER!" "Are you truly the best Ankh-Morpork has to send against me? I pity Twoflower." "How do you spell ? I want to ensure the marker on your grave is correct as a warning to your ."

Victory
When picking up your quest artifact:

As you pick up the Platinum Yendorian Express Card, you feel a great weight has been lifted from your shoulders. Your only thoughts are to quickly return to Ankh-Morpork and find Twoflower.

When killing the nemesis:

You turn in the direction of the Master of Thieves. As his earthly body begins to vanish before your eyes, you hear him curse: You shall never be rid of me, ! I will find you where ever you go and regain what is rightly mine.

When returning to your quest leader:

As Twoflower detects the presence of the Platinum Yendorian Express Card, he almost smiles for the first time in many a full moon. As he looks up from the Platinum Yendorian Express Card he says: You have recovered the Platinum Yendorian Express Card. You are its owner now, but not its master. Let it work with you as you continue your journey. With its help, and The Lady to guide you on the neutral path, you may yet recover the Amulet of Yendor.

When subsequently #chatting to Twoflower with the Platinum Yendorian Express Card:

"The Platinum Yendorian Express Card is yours now. The Dungeons of Doom await your return through the magic portal that brought you here."

Post-quest
When talking to Twoflower after the quest:

"I could not be more proud than if you were my own , ! Tell me of your adventures in quest of the Amulet of Yendor."

When talking to Twoflower after getting the Amulet: "Stand back and let me look at you, . Now that you have recovered the Amulet of Yendor, I'm afraid living out your days in Ankh-Morpork would seem pretty tame. "You have come too far to stop now, for there are still more tasks that our oral history foretells for you. Forever more, though, your name shall be spoken by the guides with awe. You are truly an inspiration to your !"